Family of Origin Influences | Tammie Day Relationship Counselling

Initially, we start developing our patterns from our family of origin, biological or otherwise (?family of imposition? as some refer to it). It helps if you can identify how your past experiences and learnt behaviours may be affecting your current relationship. This often becomes evident in the similarities between your close relationships and your parents? relationship. Or perhaps by your attempts to be nothing like them.

For example, if you had a parent who was very self-centred, you may have grown up focusing exclusively on other people?s needs and in your attempt to be selfless, you stopped prioritising your own needs. Let?s start by uncovering the similarities and differences between you and your parents; we will then generalise this to the relationship you now have between yourself and your partner .

Imago Work-up Exercise

1. Recall from your childhood the characteristics of those caregivers who were most responsible for your upbringing, i.e., parents, grandparents, extended family, foster parents, etc. Respond as you would as a little child, not as you would as an adult, and recall your caregivers as they were then, not as they may have become in the present.

a. List the negative traits of your childhood caregivers:

Male:

Female:

b. List the positive traits of your childhood caregivers:

Male:

Female:

2. Was there something you needed and wanted most as a child but did not get? What was it?

3. List the FEELING responses you had when you recall positive childhood memories.

4. Briefly describe what you DID when you felt frustrated as a child.

Partner Profile

1. List your partner?s positive traits, including the traits that first attracted you to your partner. Circle the traits that seem to affect you the most.

2. List your partner?s negative traits. Circle the traits that seem to affect you the most.

3. Compare the traits of your childhood caregivers to those of your partner. Write down which ones are similar.

4. List the traits that cause you frustration.

5. Briefly describe how you responded then and how you respond now.

What has this led you to believe about what you need from yourself and your partner?

Next week we?ll uncover some?of the patterns that may have been created as a result of past family and other?historical influences.?

Source: http://www.thecouplerelationship.com/web/?p=2065

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